Afraid to plan my own wedding in fear it will ruin my relationship?
Sunday, September 27th, 2009
California asked:
My fiancee and I just got engaged literally a week ago, and have barely started talking about when, where, and how we’re going to pay for the wedding. So far, we’ve only talked about who we want to invite, where we would *like* to have the ceremony, and parts about the reception. I want to add that none of these have been in depth conversations, just general ideas being thrown out there for the sake of it all.
Well we’re already arguing about the costs, how we’re going to get all the planning done, the honeymoon, etc. And now quite frankly, I just don’t want to talk about it anymore since every time we get to talking, it turns to arguing, which makes me believe that if we can’t even get into the planning stages civilly, how can we make it through the hard times in a marriage?
It’s going to be a very small wedding, I’m talking maybe 25 people. All but four being my family and friends. I’d like to invite more, but being on a “strict” budget, I have to stick to my close friends and immediate family. I know my fiancee could invite more people, but for some reason doesn’t want to, which I guess is fine (although weird to me?). So far, I’ve mentioned that I’d like to have the ceremony at the beach in my hometown, and he’s said he wants to get married by a pastor. We’ve also said that since there aren’t going to be many people, to just rent out a part of a restaurant and have the reception there where everyone can get what they want to eat, and would probably be cheaper than renting out a hall and getting caterers.
My fiancee says he doesn’t want to spend more than $1,000 for the whole thing, including the dress, cake, restaurant, paper work, the wedding rings, photographer, decorations and whatever else goes along with it. Personally, I don’t think we could do it all with that limited amount of money. I agree that we shouldn’t go in debt over this, but I also would like a nice wedding that I’ve dreamed about since I was little and I want it to be nice for my guests, plus my parents said they would help out with the finances as much as they could. For some reason though, he won’t take my parents’ help into account and is making it sound like getting married and planning the wedding has become a huge financial burden to him, kinda making me feel guilty for wanting a nice wedding, all while I believe it should be fun and bring us moreso together. Several times while conversation he has shot down my ideas, or made me feel silly for suggesting something that would cost too much or be too much work.
It makes me very sad and afraid that this is just the beginning of a long hard road, where I have to settle for less because my future husband is stern, uncompassionate, and doesn’t want to spend a little extra money so I can have a somewhat elegant wedding to him. I know I sound a little selfish, but it is also my day and I don’t want to sacrifice too much, or regret not doing it a certain way and later resenting my future husband. And I’m not talking about a $20,000 wedding, just enough for a “modestly nice” one.
Am I being unreasonable about this? Just to completely save money, effort, my relationship, and my sanity I am really considering just eloping in Reno and having a dinner afterward for my family and friends.
Any advice, words of wisdom, or similar stories? Thanks!
Pick The Gender Of Your Baby
My fiancee and I just got engaged literally a week ago, and have barely started talking about when, where, and how we’re going to pay for the wedding. So far, we’ve only talked about who we want to invite, where we would *like* to have the ceremony, and parts about the reception. I want to add that none of these have been in depth conversations, just general ideas being thrown out there for the sake of it all.
Well we’re already arguing about the costs, how we’re going to get all the planning done, the honeymoon, etc. And now quite frankly, I just don’t want to talk about it anymore since every time we get to talking, it turns to arguing, which makes me believe that if we can’t even get into the planning stages civilly, how can we make it through the hard times in a marriage?
It’s going to be a very small wedding, I’m talking maybe 25 people. All but four being my family and friends. I’d like to invite more, but being on a “strict” budget, I have to stick to my close friends and immediate family. I know my fiancee could invite more people, but for some reason doesn’t want to, which I guess is fine (although weird to me?). So far, I’ve mentioned that I’d like to have the ceremony at the beach in my hometown, and he’s said he wants to get married by a pastor. We’ve also said that since there aren’t going to be many people, to just rent out a part of a restaurant and have the reception there where everyone can get what they want to eat, and would probably be cheaper than renting out a hall and getting caterers.
My fiancee says he doesn’t want to spend more than $1,000 for the whole thing, including the dress, cake, restaurant, paper work, the wedding rings, photographer, decorations and whatever else goes along with it. Personally, I don’t think we could do it all with that limited amount of money. I agree that we shouldn’t go in debt over this, but I also would like a nice wedding that I’ve dreamed about since I was little and I want it to be nice for my guests, plus my parents said they would help out with the finances as much as they could. For some reason though, he won’t take my parents’ help into account and is making it sound like getting married and planning the wedding has become a huge financial burden to him, kinda making me feel guilty for wanting a nice wedding, all while I believe it should be fun and bring us moreso together. Several times while conversation he has shot down my ideas, or made me feel silly for suggesting something that would cost too much or be too much work.
It makes me very sad and afraid that this is just the beginning of a long hard road, where I have to settle for less because my future husband is stern, uncompassionate, and doesn’t want to spend a little extra money so I can have a somewhat elegant wedding to him. I know I sound a little selfish, but it is also my day and I don’t want to sacrifice too much, or regret not doing it a certain way and later resenting my future husband. And I’m not talking about a $20,000 wedding, just enough for a “modestly nice” one.
Am I being unreasonable about this? Just to completely save money, effort, my relationship, and my sanity I am really considering just eloping in Reno and having a dinner afterward for my family and friends.
Any advice, words of wisdom, or similar stories? Thanks!
Pick The Gender Of Your Baby
