I’m getting married but my mom refuses to pay for it?
September 26th, 2009
Nola is nice (trust me!) asked:
What do I do now? She doesn’t want me to marry my fiance because he doesn’t have a good enough job. So She says she won’t pay for the wedding yet I know she has the money for me to have my dream wedding because when my dad died she got a lot of money from his insurance policy and put some in a savings bond a long time ago and said it was for my wedding one day. I know it still exists because I’ve seen it but she won’t let me use it. And I know legally I can’t get it because my name is nowhere on it. But I was really depending on her to pay for the wedding because I really can’t afford a big wedding since I’m a senior in college and I graduate in May and I was planning on getting married in June or July. I offered to let her pay for it and I’ll pay her back but she said no because she doesn’t want me marrying him and thinks I should consider someone more well off! What am I going to do? Right now, I can’t even afford to buy a dress!
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What do I do now? She doesn’t want me to marry my fiance because he doesn’t have a good enough job. So She says she won’t pay for the wedding yet I know she has the money for me to have my dream wedding because when my dad died she got a lot of money from his insurance policy and put some in a savings bond a long time ago and said it was for my wedding one day. I know it still exists because I’ve seen it but she won’t let me use it. And I know legally I can’t get it because my name is nowhere on it. But I was really depending on her to pay for the wedding because I really can’t afford a big wedding since I’m a senior in college and I graduate in May and I was planning on getting married in June or July. I offered to let her pay for it and I’ll pay her back but she said no because she doesn’t want me marrying him and thinks I should consider someone more well off! What am I going to do? Right now, I can’t even afford to buy a dress!
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September 27th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
You need to worry about your marriage, not your wedding. Have a small wedding and eventually you guys can redo your vows in your dream ceremony.
October 1st, 2009 at 9:51 am
If i were you i would tell your fiance and postpond the wedding though it may be hard and both of you work as hard as you can to have that wedding whether your mom wants it or not. Best of luck to you both
October 2nd, 2009 at 6:21 am
I would say then have a private ceremony without all the glitz. You can then renew your vows down the line and do the reception you wanted when you are more financially secure.
I think this is terrible that your mother is judging the guy based on his job. What does that have to do with a loving relationship?
She needs therapy.
Remember that a wedding is just the first day of your marriage. The amount people spend is borderline ridiculous anyway.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:51 am
I am sorry to say this but you should listen to your mom and continue dating. Your still in college what is the rush to get married??? Dont you want a career first and something to build on? You can’t get married and have nothing. It is a tough world out there and when all goes wrong you don’t want to take itout on each other because your broke. My advice to you is focus on your future, finish school and be what you want to be. Once your steady in that and know yoru fiance alittle more better then we can have a wedding. Let me tell you its alot of money to get married and but even more money to get a divorce. If he don’t have a job that is not a good sign.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Im sorry
Sounds like she still wants you to be her “little girl” and is using something she knows you need (money) to try to get her way. This is very very immature of her. If your fiance is a good guy and treast you well.. that is all she should care about.
Unfortunately, you are right though.. you have no RIGHT legally to that money.
I suggest you just think of how happy you will be marrying the man you love and just have a small ceremony you can afford. You will be getting money from graduation and you can just have a small ceremony and reception with your friends.
I know its not the “dream wedding”- but this is reality. Good luck and i feel for you. Every girl dreams of a big happy wedding but there is a difference between fantasy and reality. Just keep telling yourself how lucky you are to have a great guy who loves you and how great it will be when hes your husband!
P.S.. i do agree that your a little young to be married. I am 24 and JUST starting to be ready. By “ready” i mean financially. Dont you want to be out of college a few years, have a steady job etc before you start your life together? think how much easier it would be to pay for!
October 9th, 2009 at 10:15 am
waaaaaaaaaaaaa
she is under NO obligation to pay for any wedding.
you want to get married….get married…..
maybe JUST maybe some of that insurance money has been used to feed and clothe you, since dads passing, and maybe JUST maybe some of it went to any help she might have given you to get a college education.
If you love the guy, and he loves you…a civil seremony will be more than ideal, and you can work and save…and renew vows on the one – year anniversary.
But, whining…not good.
October 11th, 2009 at 12:42 am
Get over yourself. If your marriage is not going to work unless you have some big wedding bash then you aren’t ready to get married. If you really want to marry this guy then go to the courthouse. It’ll cost anywhere between $30 and $100 between the marriage license and to have someone perform the ceremony. Save up for a wedding that you want and have it later. A lot of people do that. Are you looking to have a wedding or get married? Your mom might have a point if she doesn’t want you to marry this guy. And if not having the big wedding is going to keep you from marrying him then you need to rethink this relationship. I’m a senior in college too. My fiance and I are getting married at the courthouse and then going out to dinner with our closest family and friends. That’s plenty big enough for me and I’m so happy! Your mom’s money from your dad’s death isn’t necessarily to pay for what you want. It was left to your mom and she can do with it what she wants. The money is in an account for your wedding but you can’t seem to get past the fact that a big wedding doesn’t buy happiness or a long marriage. Either consider what your mom is trying to say to you by withholding the money or run off and marry this guy without a big wedding. If you love each other and have a strong relationship, in the end it won’t matter what kind of ceremony you had. Too many people focus on having the perfect ceremony and plan the whole day down to the last second but they forget to plan for what is really important: the marriage.
October 13th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
There are much bigger things to worry about than your wedding day. You have a lifetime of marriage to be thinking about. You really need to start worrying more about you and your future husband and what you two can do for each other rather than what your Mom can do for the two of you. As an adult you need to learn to depend on yourself first. You have a lot of thinking to do if you are more worried about your big wedding than your Mother not liking your fiance. How does your fiance feel about your mothers feelings toward him? I am a firm believer that when two people marry it isn’t just two people, you mary the others persons family as well. That will come into play in the future. You are an adult, you don’t need Mom’s permission to marry and you shouldn’t need Mom’s money if the marriage is more important to you than the wedding.
October 15th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Move your wedding to next fall and earn some money to have a simple, but beautiful service. Do it yourself without $ from your mom. Maybe when she sees that you are serious, she will help.
Maybe your fiance could pick up some extra work and pay for some of the wedding.
A lavish wedding doesn’t make you any more married. Save your money to buy a house and travel.
Good Luck.
October 16th, 2009 at 1:44 am
Then you need to either elope or put off your wedding until you have saved enough to pay for it yourself. Sorry, but Mum is not obligated to pay. These days brides and grooms do pay for their own weddings fairly often. If he’s the guy for you, you can make do – wait till after college, & sart saving & see what you can do on a modest budget – get married in a park, find a low cost dress – you can do it – lots of brides have!
October 18th, 2009 at 6:55 am
Well girly,
My mom doesn’t have the money even though she approves. Why don’t you save up and pay for it yourself, like the rest of the world. We can’t always have what we want. If you’re gonna get married, you better learn that, otherwise your marriage is doomed, not to mention your finances.
October 20th, 2009 at 2:02 am
I’m thinking that maybe you should continue dating him for at least another year. She needs to know that you’re serious about him and she really needs to get over how much money he makes. What’s important here is that you and he love each other and want to get married, but also that you want to be MARRIED, not just thinking about the wedding.
My parents are pretty well off, but they want me to be self-sufficient before I get married, and one way to do that is to make me pay for my own wedding.
If you graduate in May and then work for a year and save money for a wedding, you are going to prove it to your mom that you are A. ready to get married B. willing to pay for it by yourself and C. that you don’t care how much he makes.
I think she’s probably scared that he’s not going to make enough money to support you. I had a conversation about this with my mom the other day, and she said very specifically that she didn’t care how much my husband made, all that mattered is that I’m happy.
I would say that if she doesn’t want to pay for you to marry him, then there isn’t anything you can do about it. I would sit her down and tell her that you’re very very serious about marrying this guy, and that if you have to pay for it yourself, you will.
If you’re not willing to pay for it yourself, then I don’t know that you’re ready to get married.
Good luck!!!
October 21st, 2009 at 4:26 am
Sorry I am on your mom’s side. Obviously she has tried reasoning with you and pointing out what the faults are in your boyfriend and you have not listened. So if she has resorted to holding out on the wedding cash, then she’s doing everything she can to protect you fromyourself.
I know alot of people will disagree with me but if you were my daughter, I would do the same thing.
October 21st, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Why are you getting married if you can’t afford it? How will you afford a house, electricity etc? Either have a small wedding, or wait until you can pay for it yourselves.
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
You have two choices.
1. You scale down your wedding like other broke college kids who have to pay for stuff themselves.
OR
2. You wait to get married until your mother is willing to pay.
October 25th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Its not your mom’s responsibility to pay. If you want her to pay you are going to have to go with her guidelines, so he would have to probably get a better job. You could do one of a couple things: Work and save up some money, take out a loan to pay for the wedding, have your fiance’s parents pay, have a very simple wedding, or just wait until your mom is ready.
October 25th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
I hate to say it but you are just going to have to get over it. It’s your mom’s money and she can put whatever strings she wants to on it. If she decides that she doesn’t approve of this wedding and doesn’t want to help you marry this deadbeat (according to her) she doesn’t have to. I’m sure she is hoping that by not being able to play at being more financially well off by having the dream wedding you will realize the reality of this guy and be absolutely sure that you want to marry someone with his income.
Have a courthouse wedding or call the whole thing off and hope your mom comes around but you certianly can’t force her. I agree with your mom. There is no reason why she should hand over a few grand for you to have a “dream wedding” for a guy she doesn’t approve of.
October 27th, 2009 at 6:58 am
You mean you had the NERVE (stupidity?) to go to your mother and ask (demand?) that she sponsor an expensive wedding for you — even tho she’s against the marriage? WTF did you THINK was going to happen? DUHHHHH!
You seem to have an overwhelming sense of entitlement. If your name isn’t on that bond, then it’s not yours. “Getting at” things that aren’t yours is stealling.
Depending on other people to make your dreams come true is for children. Your mom is correct to do all she can to discourage you from marrying at this time, as you are obviously too immature.
October 28th, 2009 at 1:01 am
You’re apparently going to do whatever you want to do. Maybe his family will pay for it.
It doesn’t matter that your mom has the money. It is hers. It sounds like she put it away for the future. If you don’t want to wait until she’s willing to pay for the wedding, you can go to the justice of the peace. You will be just as married.
You OFFERED to let her pay for it and pay her back? That just sounds immature.
October 28th, 2009 at 7:18 am
well there are two sides to this story,. first mom is not obligated to pay… especially if she feels it would be giving you her blessings..which apparantly you do not have. on the surface.. not liking his job.. seems petty on moms part. however if you have gone to college.. and he has not…. think about what life would be like. you with college degree.. him flipping burgers.(Just tongue in cheek example)_ how long has he had this job? is this what he wants to do the rest of his life.? is there room for promotion? any way.. bottom line… you either have a small inexpensive ceremony… or you wait until you can afford what you want. if you cannot afford a dress… how do you and honey expect to have food… utilities… and all that good stuff… needed to maintain a household.? and suspose you get pregnant. now his job does not look so good to you either.
October 28th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Its time to be an adult. How she spends that money is her decision. By the way, most couples now pay for weddings themselves…you can’t just expect mom to shell out the dough. Get a job to pay for the wedding of your dreams, or settle for a small wedding or courthouse ceremony.
October 30th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Your mom is right and wrong on this one. But so aren’t you. If this guy really loves you he will wait until you 2 can afford to pay for everything. What does your mom consider a good enough job. Does your boyfriend have a job? What does he do?
To me is sounds like you only want to marry this guy. To get the money from your mom. If that is the fact. Then the only one losing here is you. Because he is going to figure it out. Leave you for someone who really loves him. Your mother will resent you.
WHAT EVER frek said ignore it. She has no idea about love
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:02 pm
When a daughter decides to marry outside of the parental blessing, you are on your own. Now that does not mean you are stuck with a rotten wedding. I do weddings for a living, and you are not alone! If there is true love between you two, you will get by with a small garden wedding, or even getting married by a judge. Then when you are able, you can have a vow-renewal ceremony, similar to a wedding….just with out the license, you already have one. If by then, you have proven to your mom that this is a marriage that will last, she might offer to help you with this ceremony.
November 4th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Good for your mom!!!
Couples these days pay for their own wedding. Talk to your bf and budget how you can.
November 7th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Time to be an adult… Pay for your OWN wedding.
If you can’t afford anything, then go to the courthouse and get married quickly and cheaply. Or save for a few years and have a nice small one.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:48 am
ummmm get over it, pay for your own, me and my fiance are paying for our own. Nor would either one of us even consider trying to make someone else pay for it. She should save that money for herself, and make sure she can support herself throught retirement and stuff one day. Stop being spoiled and pay for yourself.