Have you ever had such a bad relationship that after the break-up the presence of your ex causes you to panic?
September 27th, 2009
I had this really toxic relationship with my ex-fiance:
we were both abusive to the other in some manner
(he financially and verbally abused me, I was verbally abusive in return)
he really brought out the worst in me
we just weren’t right for each other
and the worst part is that we wasted 6 years on each other
he kept me locked up pretty tight:
isolated me from my family/friends and broke into my bank account
so it was hard to do but I finally I got out
And it didn’t take long for things to turn for both him and me:
Without my ex in my life I was finally able to meet my mr. right,
he and I got married,
he works a military job while I stay at home and take classes
we have a spacious apartment, a solid car,
great communication- very open and honest and respectful,
a very experimental and all-around fun sex life,
which resulted in us now being 7 months pregnant,
(my husband calls our son our “surprise blessing”)
I finally have everything I ever dreamed of
its not perfect, but I’m happy,
and its been so long since I’ve been happy…
My ex, on the other hand, was pretty happy when we were together,
he freaked out when I left,
even joined the military in an effort to win me back
when that didn’t work, we tried to be friends
the friendship was going great
I talked to him and coached him into asking a girl out that he liked
he sent me the greatest wedding present when I got married
but as soon as he found out my husband and I were pregnant
thats when things went down hill real fast:
he started drinking…he now binge drinks every weekend
and when he drinks he texts me to say some pretty cruel things…
having been together 6 years, he really knows how to hurt me
so I stopped talking to him
and eventually he stopped trying to talk to me
I figured it was best that way…we lost our friendship a long time ago
no point in trying to keep something alive when its long dead
But now…now I don’t think I’ll be able to avoid him anymore since
he’s been assigned to the same base that my husband will be based on for at least the next year…
even with hundreds of soliders, the base is still considered very small, and you can barely go anywhere in town without running into someone you know from base.
Plus, my husband has just taken a new job…which might make him my ex’s boss for alittle while when he first comes to base…
I really don’t think my ex is dumb enough to say anything to me
and, even if he is dumb enough, my husband could take care of it.
I know my fears are completely irrational
but having been in such a toxic relationship with him…
I’m afraid that his mere presence in the same time zone as my husband and I will ruin everything…
like all of my happiness, all the things that are finally going right for me, all of it will crumble before me when he shows up…
I know thats not going to happen but I’m still just so afraid…
have any of you had this happen?
where you think you’ll never have to see this person again
and you’re glad because the relationship was just so horrible
but then you’re thrown together,
living in the same town, on the same base
and you’re just so scared by their presence
with no real reason to be scared….
please tell me I’m not alone on this?
I can’t figure out why I’m so afraid…
my husband says not to be so afraid, that he’ll protect me.
And I really doubt that my ex will try anything…but I’m still just so frightened
ps
this is a repost from several hours ago, I only got responses from one gender last time, and I was hoping for both veiws
Baby Sleep Tonight
September 28th, 2009 at 2:14 am
he obviously still has some hold on you ,you can change your phone number,you could try counseling to learn how to get him out of our head good luck
October 4th, 2009 at 1:26 am
well as a divorced 36 yr old man.i would say that the mere sight of my ex wife Just totally freaks me out.i cant stand her a bit.we do talk via e-mail and that’s only because of the kids.your best bet is to never ever talk to this guy period!don’t let him even have a chance to sweet talk you into a friendship.like you say that since you 2 really know each other and say he knows how to get under your skin.he also knows how to sweet talk you also.so just go on with your life and eventually your ex will stop trying to contact you.
October 6th, 2009 at 5:53 am
Waooh its long ,anyway u need to be strong in all this en it not ur fault thet u broke up so he should not bother u even if he will be owrking with ur husband,only thing to do is Avoid him,dont entertanin meeting him or allowinghim ur life,.
Be strong for ur coming baby,all the best
October 7th, 2009 at 2:35 am
forgive me…i couldn’t read all this…too long…too early.
i had a very violent ex. he beat me and did time in prison for murder. we had to go to court last month…he is in contempt for not paying child support for our almost 18 year old daughter. i hadn’t seen him in years. i had to talk to myself to stay calm. being in that same room with him was causing me to panic. i had to force myself to breathe calmly. i don’t know if it was from fear or the total hatred i feel for this man.
October 7th, 2009 at 6:01 am
It is about time YOU BURIED this relationship, which is totally dead from your side (IS IT?).
Make sure your husband knows everything, so that nothing comes as a surprise to him. He has assured you of his support, so why don’t you trust him?
If you spend that much time, making your home and husband happy, the amount you are spending on this useless dead past, you’d be much much happier as a person. If nothing else think of all the harm your attitude will do to your unborn child. Babies pick up tension as well, even in the stomach.
You say you are well rid of your old life and are happy in the new one, so why are you still harping back to the old life. You are the only one who is making big thing out of something when there is no reason.
Sure he is drinking, he is probably realizing what he threw away and that is making him crazy, but it is not your fault is it, and YOU are not responsible, at least not totally! If he decides to behave in this manner it is his own fault. The only thing that I can tell you is that not to let him or the memories of him come in between your happiness now! This will affect not only you but your new family, so unless you put it where it belongs, in the past, it will not leave you alone.
Keep yourself busy, get busy with hobbies and classes, and other societies, that army wives get into. Get a good circle of friends with whom you can plan outings togather. Don’t go where you might run into him, and even if you do, be casual, do not panic, that way you won’t give him any power over you. Just treat him as casuly as you would any aquiantance, you don’t have to ignore or snub him, or be overely friendly. See if you let him see he affects you, he will try to be even more nasty, so just treat him as no more important than anyone else around you, and stand your ground. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN LET HIM OVER POWER YOU, IF YOU WANT, OR TOTALLY REDUCE ANY AFFECT HE MAY HAVE ON YOU, BY TREATING HIM JUST AS A CASUAL FRIEND, YOU MEET ON THE STREET. When you say I really doubt it if he will try anything, then believe in that, as you said, you stopped talking to him anyways so what is the problem. Just avoid and ignore! GET OUT OF THE PAST, IT NEVER DOES ANY GOOD TO STAY THERE, AND IT IS HARDER TO MOVE TOWARDS THE FUTURE WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE!
October 10th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
hi sweetheart like you i know what it is like to be in a toxic relationship ,well marriage to be honest and i was in it for 22 years …a long time and like you i was controlled by him ,but i didnt fight back as you did ,i was to busy trying to be the perfect wife to him …..sad i know ,til one day i woke up and decided id had enough and on leaving that relationship to say he was not happy would be a understatement ….he treid to make my life hell in between the times that he was pretending that he had changed and would behave him self ……as if that was ever going to happen ,i got the nasty txts and i started to keep a diary of them ,i was adviced to do this by a abuse officer who worked in the police force ….oh yes i involved the police on many a time that he was kicking of and did i feel scared …wouldnt describe how i felt inside ,sick,the stress headache from hell ,the shaking at the thought of him coming near oh i had the whole works ,…i llike you found a new man in my life and to suddenly be in a relationship that was open and ok to say how you really felt was a strange thing to begin with,that is what didnt happen in the last one ….it took a good while for me to feel really safe in this relationship ,.and get i got to the point were i had enough proof of all those nasty txts and phone calls that i took that git to court and he plead guilty on it and he has never come near me again as he now knows that im no longer frightened of him ,well he still has the power to make my blood run cold but i think that has more to do with the amount of years i wasted on that relationship …..thats a laugh …being sent to prison for 22 years would have been easier …i think ??….so please try and start to move forward with youre great guy and youre baby bump and keep youre head high as youve been to hell and now it is over always talk to each other if youre feeling hasseled by this creap …..he has a problem ….he is not in control of you any more remember that …..if he trys any thing he has 2 forces to be up against not just you but youre partner ,and he is not going to sit back and let this idiot up set you considering youre the woman in his life and youre carrying his baby …..so we have both been through a hell of a lot but we have got out of it and we have both learned we will never go down that road ever again ……if ever you want to talk email me …..you havew a great life now and a great future life ahead …..take care xx
October 14th, 2009 at 2:12 am
Yes. My first marriage ended horribly…mental abuse that turned physical. The day it turned physical, I walked out with the clothes on my back….and never looked back. I was scared to go anywhere by myself…..because he would show up where I was shopping, etc. He would drive by my house and send stupid mails claiming it was from another woman…trying to sabotage my relationship at the time. He finally killed himself a year ago…he never got a job, never had a girlfriend, lost his home… he could just never ever get it together again. Sad story…. very sad ending. But I have to say… I am now free to go anywhere without the fear of being followed or without the fear of retribution.