How to deal with a FSIL and FMIL who drive you crazy?
Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
My future sister in law has made it VERY clear to me and my fiance that she hates me and would like nothing more than to see the two us break up and not get married. That being said she has made several comments to my fiance and the rest of his family (but never to me directly) about us not asking her to be in the wedding. My future Mother In Law actually called the other night and yelled at my fiance because we are not going to let his sister be in the wedding!! So he explained to her (for the millionth time) why we are not asking her (because she hates me, does not support our relationship, and he is not even close to her). His Mom even said that his Sister told her that even if we did ask her she would probably say no but she still would like to be asked?!?! How does that even make sense?!?! His Sister even told him this at a family function. So my fiance and I sat down and wrote her a long email (from his email account) explaining why we are not asking her to be in the wedding. The reasons were all based around the fact that she does not like me, that she does not want us to be together, she has been nothing but rude to me and gone out of her way to hurt me, and she has tried SEVERAL times to ruin my relationships with MY friends and her family by spreading lies and rumors. She never responded to us but told her Mother that her and my fiance are blood and therefor their relationship should mean more to him then ours (aka she should get her way!!) We have put our foot down and we are not changing our mind but I do not want to hear about this for the next year!! How do I make her and his Mother understand that she is not getting her way???? I think that may be part of the problem his entire family caters to her and is always babying her so she does not get “upset”. The only thing that she can ever say about me when someone ask why she does not like me is that “I think I am better than her and everyone else”. I am a pretty humble person and I also have pretty low self esteem so I am not sure where she gets that from. My FFIL said that he thinks it’s just because she is jealous of me. I went to college, I have a successful career, I own my own home, and I have a lot going for me at the age of 23 (all of which I worked VERY hard for!!) and since she is 28 and dropped out of high school, can’t hold a job, has never had a license or car she is jealous and is just trying to make me look bad so she can feel better about herself…..this is coming from her own Father!! I don’t think it is my job to make her feel better about herself also I don’t think she really wants to be in the wedding she just wants to win this “battle” (which she is Not going to) so she can get her way and be right!! Is it REALLY wrong of me to not want someone who openly HATES me to not be in my wedding?!?!
As if that isn’t enough!!…….
My Future Mother in Law has not been a cup of tea either. First of all she complained to my fiance’s ex fiance about me. She said that I was making this wedding way bigger than it should be and she does not understand why I want my SECOND wedding to be so big???? Um Hello!! When was my FIRST wedding?!?! She also complained about the amount of money that we are spending on the wedding (we as in my fiance and myself). So I finally said something to her after my fiance’s ex came to me with all of this. I told her I was never married before…I am only 23!! She was like oh well I thought you were that’s what I have always told people (great…thanks!!) then I asked why she cared how much we spent on the wedding. I am the one paying for it and I am the one who took on a part-time job in addition to my full time job to be able to have our dream wedding without having to change our standard of living. She was like well I just think it is dumb and you should just do something small. I feel like screaming well the next time you write a check to a vendor you can decided what we do but until then please keep your opinions to yourself and also could you refrain from discussing OUR wedding with his ex…thanks. But since I was raised better than that I just smile and nod and go home to cry. I have tried to involve her in the planning as much as possible but she always has “other things” to do. For a little while she was taking care of her dying Mother so I understood but she has passed and there are still excuses why she can never make it. Then when I try to involve her with planning stuff like this is the hall we picked or we are doing this she gets all cranky and tells me what a horrible idea it is!! I am trying to be nice and let her be apart of this since my fiance is her only child who will probably ever get married (his Sister has been engaged for 7 years and has no desire to get married and his Brother is gay) but she is making it REALLY hard!! She never wants to be apart of anything but then has the nerve to call and yell at my fiance about his Sister not being in the wedding and telling him that he should ask his Brother (who he hardly talks to) to be his best man (his IS a groomsmen however). My fiance told her he is asking his father (his parents divorced 27 years ago) to be the best man…..that did not go over well either. I honestly think she hates me as much as his Sister but when my fiance ask why she dislikes me and why she does these things she cries and says that she loves me and she knows I am the best thing that has ever happened to him!! UGH!! These people are driving me crazy!!!!
I don’t know who to deal with this. At first I though it would all go away over time but we have been engaged for 6 months and every few weeks it’s the same thing. I just can’t take it anymore!! If it was not for my family and the rest of his family (which I absolutely LOVE) I would just say forget it and elope!!
Sorry this is sooooooo long but I REALLY needed to vent!!
Thank you to everyone that responded!!:) I am very appreciative of all of the great advice. I know this is something I need to learn to deal with now before there are children involved (his mother has already started complaining about everything we have mentioned like names we like, how to raise them, how many we want, etc. and we are not planning on getting pregnant for another 2 years!!) I know I have my hands full with the both of them but I am grateful that my fiancé is comfortable with standing up to them and putting them in their place (although it still always comes back on them blaming me!!). I would not be able to handle this if it was not for him!!…..I am REALLY lucky to have someone as great as him!! I think I just need to take control and say this is OUR day so thanks for your input but no thanks and if you don’t like our decisions that is something YOU are going to need to learn to deal with.
Yessi H – Yikes!! and I thought I had it bad!! I totally think you win the “Craziest Mother In Law Award” lol. I am sure we could both go on for DAYS with stories of the crazy things they have done to us!! I hope you have a beautiful and fabulous wedding day!!:)
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